What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
