I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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