How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
