Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
