So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
