Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
