He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
