Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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