My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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