I could have mohawked her pubes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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