Do vagina's smell?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
