I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
