He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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