Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
