what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
