11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize