so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
