P.S. I can't hear my feet
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
