is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
