Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am available for nakedness
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
