was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize