I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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