i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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