the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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