Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
