So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
