I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
