The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
