garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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