i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
