careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
