she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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