Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
