i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
