Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize