Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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