Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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