seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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