You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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