So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
