So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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