I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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