Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
