I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
