I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize