Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
