i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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