So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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