I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
