i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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