There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
