we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
