sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize