Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
