When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
