i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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