I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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