Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
