If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
