and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize