Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
