PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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