Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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