every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
