hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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