my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
