just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
