can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
