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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize