You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
