As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
