We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
