Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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