Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
