i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
