My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A+ Viking dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize