hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
