His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
