the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
