And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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