WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were destined to go to rehab together
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
