In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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