So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
